This article will talk about how a person should live out his life in marriage from Francesca’s perspective, combined with psychological knowledge. Because of the crisis in marriage, most people lose themselves.

The main content of the movie

I once read this sentence: Live the way you want, otherwise sooner or later you will live according to your ideas. I think this sentence is particularly suitable for Francesca.

Francesca is the heroine of the movie.

The film is adapted from the novel of the same name by American writer Robert James Waller. It mainly tells the story of housewife Francesca who meets National Geographic photographer Robert during a four-day trip with her family. After falling in love, Francesca finally painfully chose to break up with Robert because she could not bear the harm caused to her family after leaving. But this love remained deep in her heart until the end of her life.

The plot of the movie is not complicated, but it has a great impact on the audience. It is said that after the movie was released, it triggered a divorce boom in the United States. Maybe this extramarital affair allowed people to see the beauty of true love, or maybe it aroused people’s desire for romantic love, or maybe it was “true love like this only comes once in a lifetime.” ”, people want to look for it.

But no matter what, there may be shadows of you and me in this movie.

With the help of Robert, Francesca begins to understand herself

There are two ways to know yourself, one is introspection, and the other is with the help of the external world. Francesca in the film begins to understand herself through Robert’s external world.

Francesca was born in Italy and has Italian romantic and passionate origins. When she was young, she met Richard, an American soldier, and with a yearning for the other side of the world, she married Richard and followed him to live in a small town in Iowa, the United States.

However, after entering the marriage, Francesca gradually became a housewife, repeating the same thing every day – taking care of the family’s food and daily life; her favorite teaching profession had to be given up due to taking care of the children and her husband’s opposition, and the family was at a loss. It has become the main position of her life, and she feels that it will not change in her life.

It wasn’t until she met Robert, a photographer who came to the town to take pictures of the Rossman Bridge and got lost near her home, that Francesca realized that her need for contact with the outside world still existed because she took the initiative to lead the way for Robert; that yearning for passion she Romantic hearts still beat as she develops a crush on the exquisite and spiritually compatible Robert.

More importantly, she realized that she was tired of this kind of life and that her current life was not what she wanted.

During the conversation with Robert, she couldn’t remember how long she had been married; her evaluation of her husband Richard turned out to be “clean” and “a good father” instead of a “good husband”; she inexplicably joked with Robert that ” “Flowers are poisonous” and so on, these messages are all in her subconscious, and if it weren’t for Robert, she would not be aware of them at all.

The subconscious mind is a concept proposed by Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis.

He believes that behind every choice and behavior we make, there is an imperceptible force that comes from the subconscious.

If all human psychological activities are compared to an iceberg, then the consciousness above the water is just the tip of the iceberg. The huge part underwater is the main body of spiritual activity. This part is the subconscious mind, most of which is not controlled by morals and morals. What is allowed by law and other social norms lies beneath the water, lurking in the darkness.

Because of Robert, the things in Francesca’s subconscious rose to the level of consciousness, and then she discovered the unknown “other side” of herself, which was her desire for social interaction, her need for passion, and her yearning for freedom and romance.

In four days, Francesca lived a life that was more like herself.

When Francesca realized another side of herself, she chose to change and live for herself.

After further interactions with Robert, she was deeply attracted by his humor, carefulness, and casual outlook on life, so she rushed to Rossman Bridge in the middle of the night, leaving behind the note that read “When the white moth opens” “If you still want to have dinner, you can come anytime after work tonight”, which shows that she is slowly living out herself because she respects her true inner thoughts.

When Robert called to ask for her opinion (if the two of them were seen dating, it would lead to gossip), she said “I want to come”, which showed that she no longer cared too much about the evaluation of the outside world and dared to live her life.

She and Robert left the meadow, the bridge, the familiar people, and the painful memories to enjoy the day of living their own lives. As Francesca said in the letter she left to Mike and Caroline: “I seem to be another woman, but I am more like myself than before.”

When she was with Robert, Francesca forgot her own story. She was no longer the housewife who worked for the family but turned back into the innocent girl with dreams. She felt that she had lived again, and she was living out herself.

But such a life is difficult to last because it lacks a realistic foundation. Because to be yourself, you need to open your heart in the real world, respect your feelings, and not care too much about the evaluation of others.

In other words, Francesca must return to her real identity as a wife and mother, and then make decisions according to her ideas, to truly live her life.

Returning to real life, Francesca understood herself more deeply

As mentioned earlier, when Francesca began to know herself, it was with the help of Robert, and after ending her four-day “dream life”, she knew herself again through introspection. She recognized her inner fear:

• Fear 1: She was afraid that Robert’s love for her was “casual play”, because Robert had no shortage of women around him and was “accustomed to not needing anyone.” More importantly, she understood that “people who don’t feel lonely and afraid, and who are Not a human being.” The fear of being abandoned, not valued, and not loved turned into anger and was directed at Robert.
• Fear 2: After she confirmed that Robert’s love for her was sincere, the fear in her heart turned to guilt towards her family. She was afraid that she would leave, that her family would not be able to bear the gossip, that Charles would not be able to accept the reality, and even more worried that she would not set a good example for her children. This double fear made her realize that returning to her family was the right choice.

Because she said, “No one understands that when a woman makes the choice to get married and have children, in one aspect, her life begins, but in another aspect, it stops. She builds a realistic life and puts aside her personal needs. Standing aside so that her children could grow up and when they left, they took her real life with them. At this point, she could no longer live her own life and could not remember what kept her alive.”

We see that Francesca, who decided to stay, chose to live for her children. However, her subsequent life also changed at that moment, when she began to live for herself.

• First, she broadened her social circle, began to associate with Lucy, and became good friends. Although people in town always talk about them, they don’t care.
• Secondly, she decided to talk about this past event with her children. As she said, “I could have let this matter pass away with me, but the older I get, the less I worry, and the more important thing is to tell the matter. People are just passers-by in this world, and if they leave It is very sad that the person you love most in this world does not know who you are.”
• Again, she decided to leave the remainder (the ashes) to Robert.

It should be said that Francesca truly lived out herself at this time. She doesn’t care so much about other people’s feelings and thoughts, respects her inner feelings, and dares to make choices for her own life.

This is also the reason why Mike and Caroline began to change themselves and find ways to manage their marriage after truly understanding their mother.

Conclusion

First, children are not the only needs of parents, especially mothers. They should not define their life as “living for their children.”

• Parents who only live for their children not only cannot truly love their children, but they will also lose themselves in the marriage, which will lead to a marital crisis.

Secondly, the management of marriage is a matter between two people, and a good marriage is about achieving each other’s success and living out themselves.

• Marriage should not be a shackle that binds a person but should be a support for living one’s own life. In the film, Richard expressed his apology at the last stage of his life, which showed that Charles was also responsible for Francesca’s cheating.

Third, two people in a marriage can have their own needs, values, and dreams.

• Managing a marriage and living your life are not in conflict, but are complementary to each other.

Our life is like writing an autobiography to ourselves. The content of autobiography should be our own active choice because I choose, I am free, and I exist.