As we see every day, life is short, fragile, and uncertain. We all know that positive change and growth do not happen automatically, but require deliberate, concerted effort and ongoing practice. Acquiring anything we desire inevitably requires a degree of planning, along with perceived discomfort and action that requires direct effort. You must do your best to develop and exercise your self-belief, self-efficacy, and self-compassion. No matter what happens, you need to decide if you are worth the investment and stay the course.
To promote personal growth and pave the way to becoming the best version of yourself, ask yourself these 10 questions every day:
What Are the Values That Influence Lifestyle and Decision-Making?
Our values directly guide our behavior and actions and are unconditional. If we do not act by a particular value at a particular moment, this does not negate our value or make it less important. We have the opportunity to revise, reassess, and choose how much we believe in a given value.
We see our pain in our values, and we find our values in our pain. Being clear about these values is important and paves the way for conscious, thoughtful decision-making.
What Beliefs and Perspectives Do I Hold That Contribute to Certain Patterns of Behavior in Me?
These patterns are both positive and negative. We have our narratives and fixed ideas about who we are, what we are like, and the life we are destined to live.
Some negative thoughts include, “I have bad luck,” “I get angry easily,” “Change is too difficult for me,” etc. These thoughts can evoke negative emotions and perpetuate maladaptive and sometimes ineffective behaviors and behavior patterns.
What Is It That I Want to Avoid or Am Afraid to Face?
It is crucial to identify these attributes or negative characteristics. If we don’t do this, we risk becoming emotionally and physically triggered, projecting our emotions onto others, and becoming defensive in our interactions with ourselves and others.
Facing our imperfections, traumatized parts, and adaptability (the things that help us survive) can be extremely affirming and freeing. It forces us to connect with our flaws and our best selves who are understanding and compassionate.
What Are My Core Beliefs?
Aaron Beck, the father of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), believes that our negative core beliefs revolve around being ineffective, unlovable, and helpless.
Some of us may focus on one or more of these core beliefs. Identifying them can help you connect with the beliefs that trigger you when emotions are aroused, and think about how to respond to challenges with more openness and conscious awareness.
How Do I Benefit from Setbacks?
We long to get over setbacks. If we had the ability and desire to do so, we would have done it long ago.
There are additional benefits to our actions. They serve us. We may not necessarily be proud of these benefits or realize what they are, but better understanding them is key to moving forward and dramatically improving our lives.
What Will Trigger Me?
Think about what triggers you, what arouses you in a strong, emotionally charged way. This provides direct information and insight, letting you know that there are areas of you that still need healing and need to be addressed immediately.
We often blame the actions of others for triggering our emotions. We need to take responsibility for the self-knowledge these triggers reveal. No one can trigger you but yourself.
From What Other Angles Can I Look At This?
When you find yourself becoming stubborn and insisting on seeing and thinking about certain things a certain way, it’s a clear sign that you need to broaden your horizons.
There are always other explanations if we are willing to look for them. Although we may experience similar situations, no one will have the same thoughts and feelings as us.
If we ask ourselves this question, we will be more willing to ask open-ended questions rather than blame and criticize, reinforcing our narratives and asserting our biases.
How Much Effort Am I Willing to Put In to Get out of My Comfort Zone?
Staying in your comfort zone is the easier and more comfortable option. Our brains are wired to take the path of least resistance, repeating the familiar and deeming it more “safe.”
Developing a willingness to step out of your comfort zone and challenge yourself when your brain wants you to stay in it is a valuable and necessary skill.
Just as building new neural pathways requires consistent practice, so does proving to yourself that finding new alternatives is worthwhile and worthwhile.
What Direct Actions Have I Taken to Better Connect with Others?
There are many kinds of connections between people. You need to know what this connection means to you.
Emotionality is an overt display of emotion that is often confused with connecting with others. One can shed tears without having to do with sadness.
Connecting with others allows you to develop intimacy and deeper relationships with them. Expressing what others mean to you, how you feel in their presence, and what you want or need from others is not the same as telling them what you think of them (vs. “You’re beautiful” or “You’re nice” and “I care about you,” “I enjoy spending time with you,” or “I want to know more about you”).
Am I Making an Effort to Take Action to Connect with Myself?
The relationship we have with ourselves is our most lasting relationship, it is our most developmental relationship. Some people are never taught how to increase their self-confidence, develop self-compassion, and advocate for their own values and needs.
Reflect on whether you care about your own needs. Have you ever assessed how confident you are in yourself?
Additionally, consciously notice and validate your values, and fulfillment, and take proactive actions to live a life of authenticity and purpose.
Conclusion
We should not squander every minute of our lives, we can live every moment fully and meaningfully, take the time, work on letting go of the past, learn lessons, and most importantly, commit to improving yourself because you are worth it.
