Certain emotions are easy to control, such as joy, excitement, and contentment. But others, like Wrath, are harsher. Therapists say feelings of anger remain a necessary part of a healthy emotional makeup.

Anger is a helpful emotion. It alerts us that something is wrong or a boundary has been crossed—it lets us know that some kind of action needs to be taken.

Anger is different from many other emotional states because of one thing. Anger is a fun feeling because it’s something everyone can relate to happiness. Very few people truly understand happiness. Many people don’t know what happiness is and they are always looking for it, but almost everyone knows what it feels like to be angry.

Being angry can feel overwhelming, but there’s a smart way to deal with it (and then you can take some action). Here’s what therapists do when they’re really angry:

The best thing you can do is to allow yourself to feel angry.

When you don’t allow yourself to feel anger, bigger problems arise.

When we suppress anger, all kinds of bad things happen to us, both internally and emotionally. This may include ulcers, increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, etc.

Allowing yourself to feel anger doesn’t necessarily mean you have to live with it, though.

Anger needs an outlet, otherwise it turns into something more. Keeping these feelings inside may mean that you may still feel anxious in the future, or that you may still feel angry in the future.

There are other ways to address your anger once you’ve sat with it. Start by reflecting on what triggered it.

Once you admit that you are angry, you can take action.

There are two steps to dealing with angry experiences that work well together. One step focuses on the short term, the other on the long term. The first step is to momentarily soothe yourself and put your body in a less tense state – to pause and give your mind a chance to see that I’m not actually in danger, and I’m not doing it.

During this pause, drink some water, have a cup of tea, or take a few deep breaths. What all these steps do is get more oxygen to your brain and help you focus more on the present moment. This also puts the body into a calmer state.

After a few minutes or hours, move on to the next step. This is where you will process your experience by reflecting on “Hey, what exactly triggered me?”or “What can I do differently in the future?”

You can also try an “adult time-out.”

Just like it helps kids cool down, it’s also a good idea to put yourself into an “adult timeout” and be alone when you’re feeling really hot.

You can take 20 or 30 minutes to go for a walk or catch your breath before starting a conversation that might get tense.

After taking a break, come back and see if you can continue the conversation and see if progress is actually being made. It’s always a good idea to have some important conversations when you’re in a calmer, more peaceful place.

Set boundaries.

It’s possible to set boundaries when you’re angry, which can validate your feelings.

I can be angry about this, what you say and do is wrong.

These boundaries might include setting limits on what you’re willing to discuss or even establishing physical boundaries between you and your loved ones—like not allowing your mom to drop by unannounced.

Often, anger is not enough to satisfy a particular need and boundaries may be necessary.

Try to stay off social media.

When unable to express their anger directly, people may turn to social media. Sometimes people end up posting passive-aggressive posts as a reaction to pain, which makes things worse.

We use social media or email to passively express our discomfort before we’re ready to actually talk about it.

And avoid making big decisions.

It’s no secret that when you’re angry, you don’t think clearly. When you’re angry, you need to avoid making decisions, especially decisions that have big consequences.

In other words, don’t turn down an invitation to a family vacation because you had an argument with your mom, or send an email to a coworker to confront them about behavior that bothers you. It’s easy to feel like you need to make an immediate decision, but as with most things, that’s not the case.

In a state of anger or anger, a decision must be made at that moment. Before jumping headlong into something you might regret, give yourself a few minutes to calm down and think.

In the end, do what feels right for you.

Now everything we feel does have a purpose and it’s up to us to respond appropriately.

So just because a HIIT workout might be appropriate for a person to do when they’re angry, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s appropriate for you.

For those who are not allowed to express anger and rage, there may be coping strategies that help them mask or shift it in a way that is really not good for them. It’s not good for their bodies, but may actually be a way for them to survive.

So don’t be ashamed if your coping mechanism isn’t on this list. And know that your feelings may be more deep-seated and indicative of greater challenges. Especially for people who are marginalized—people of color, Black people—we have a lot of anger, but sometimes we don’t understand it.

This applies to historical trauma, which can manifest as anger, or the anger felt when injustice happens over and over again. Overcoming these things is not that easy.

And understand that anger is necessary.

Emotions are not good or bad, and we should not view them as good or bad. There’s a reason we have such a wide range of emotions, and living a fulfilling life means you experience them all.

While you can try to regulate your emotions, don’t be discouraged if your anger sometimes gets the better of you. Practice makes progress, and when it comes to managing your emotions, your progress is never linear. This is normal and there is nothing wrong with it.

It’s part of being human to screw up from time to time, so be kind to yourself if you find yourself relying on a coping mechanism you want to stop using.

If you have the means, you might consider talking to a therapist to help you regulate your emotions and feel more relaxed when anger strikes. Check out databases like Psychology Today or Inclusive Therapists to learn about mental health professionals near you.